Our initial contact with him and her landed us in Gorilla Bites for a look see… They were moving ahead in their relationship - she had relocated from another state and they were pursuing their relationship with the end goal of “happily ever-after!” Passionate, engaging, mystical, dynamic, and world-changers are just a few words we used to describe this couple as we left Gorilla Bites that day.
They were looking to see if we were a good fit to walk with them in the season of moving toward marriage and a shared life of bliss and adventure. So it was, we began meeting with them - connection, communication, presence, values… our primary playing field in preparing for “happily ever-after!”, oh and yeah we did cover S E X - sexual intimacy and cultivating that place of loving spirit to spirit with our bodies is one of our favorite subjects with couples in preparation for covenant making.
Fast forward several months… I do
And then fast forward several more months… Can we meet with you, we’ve hit some bumps in the road to “happily ever-after!”
It is NORMAL number one, for there to be bumps in your “happily ever-after!”, and number two, if you don’t hit some of those bumps, you’re NOT NORMAL!
The question isn’t if, the question is when, why, what, how, and who. When they come (cause they will, ready-or-not) - what will be your response to them and to each other; how will you move forward through them (they didn’t come to stay, they came to pass!); who will you invite into that vulnerable, highly sensitive and private place to walk with you?
Who will you become in the process of going down the bumpy road toward “happily ever-after!”. Who will Jesus be for you in those bumpy places? The Comforter? The Wise Counsellor? The Prince of Peace? The Advocate? The Helper? The Healer? Yes, is the simple answer. One question that is always a wrong question to ask, is… Why is this happening to ME?! That is always an open door for the father of lies to step through and build a roadway of destruction right on top of your bumpy road to “happily ever-after!”.
We were happy to respond to the call of “Can we meet with you?” Happy, cause we love these guys. Happy, cause its our greatest joy to partner with Heaven for His reward. Super Happy, cause they reached out for help and didn’t drown in trying to figure it out!
Fast forward several weeks of meeting and going back over connection, communication, presence, values.
They came through the door both light-hearted and engaging. Momentum! Yes! As they began to share how they worked through a bumpy place the past week with the goal to understand and a commitment to each deal with their own heart in the situation - in Steve’s words, “Don’t be a WIMP - ask yourself, ‘What is MY part?’", they made it to reconciliation - they realized a milestone. The extra-ordinary gift of moving toward one-another, selflessly, in order to find each others’ hearts and to re-connect was creating momentum. In the course of understanding one another, they came to understand somethings about themselves.
UNDERSTANDING ME IS AS IMPORTANT AS UNDERSTANDING YOU!
He began to share, how he was discovering his desire for Daily Connect not be limited to 15-20 minutes, but had proposed to her that they dedicate a full hour of each day to Daily Connect. I just want to be with her.
His words were soft, tender, but unmoving and completely decided. In his heart, spoken simply from his mouth, he would be satisfied with no-less than sixty-minutes, every day, being present, being face-to-face, being still with the one he loves.
She began to share, how choosing to be present, to be face-to-face, to be still, was offering a self-less, sacrificial gift - the gift of vulnerability. She was coming to discover that her busy-ness, the need for productivity, was just a shroud protecting and hiding her fear of vulnerability. Her fear of emotional nakedness. Her fear of being fully known and fully loved.
The Hebrew word used for marriage actually means FIRE.
God has design us in such a way that in the covenant of marriage we are bound to experience and encounter some fire! The result of two strong, powerful substances rubbing against one another in a way, that the friction created in the joining of two lives for a life-time, produces a little FIRE!
Fiery, blazing intimacy - that is not only satisfying and fulfilling, but life-giving and your greatest weapon of warfare. Fiery passion for one another that displays the raw Glory of God here on the earth. Fire that removes hindrances in your journey to “happily ever-after!”. Fire that lights the way for others following in your path. Fire that burns through fear, failure, insecurity. Fire that produces warmth and creates comfort on a cold winter night. Fire that melts like wax causing two things to meld together seamlessly, as one.
Fire is also the element used throughout ancient Hebrew culture to represent personal reformation. God wants to use the fire in your marriage, as a tool in His hand to increase and magnify your individual beauty as you are re-formed in this one flesh union.
On the road toward “happily ever-after!” remember, it will be...
• a journey of discovering yourself and your spouse - invite the Counsellor, the Helper, the Comforter, the Healer, the Prince of Peace with you on the journey, He knows how to make it super fun and super safe.
• an invitation to emotional nakedness that is a continual sacrificial gift of vulnerability - choose everyday to be present, be face-to-face, be still
• re-forming - transformation at its best!
• FIERY-HOT - but that’s where the oneness happens!
Grab your spouse and dialogue through these questions using a little Heart to Heart:
• Who does He want to be for us in our journey toward “happily ever-after!”?
• What is He re-forming in me?
• What sacrificial gift is He inviting me to offer my spouse?
• What deep longing and desire am I holding that I need to verbalize to my beloved?